I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He had one of those small greek statue penises
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize