i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
