His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
