Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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