I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
