He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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