I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize