Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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