so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
