no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
