three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
