They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
