He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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