i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize