It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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