i just had sex bonerless
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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