kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
