he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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