i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
