im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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