I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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