best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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