Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
