she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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