Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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