I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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