these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
