we have officially lost it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
