there's paper in my vomit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
