i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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