Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my sisters under your porch take her home
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
