i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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