remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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