How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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