i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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