Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
