You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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