Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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