Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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