And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
