so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
