Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The air was thick with penises
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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