We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
