I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize