You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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