come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize