Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
