She is in my trunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
