did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
