I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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