i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
