did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
