I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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