You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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