At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
