kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
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