The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
