You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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