Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
