i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
