its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
