You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize