Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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