I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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