Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
