So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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