the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
