Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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