the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
